Games people play summary

So people have ego states – now what? Well, understanding ego states is the foundation of understanding the many kinds of games people play.

Whenever you communicate with someone, you interact from one of your ego states. For example, you might be acting from your Parent state and your interlocutor might be reacting from her Child state, or you might both be communicating from an Adult state.

When you hear the word “game,” you probably think of something brief, like a soccer match, or a round of Call of Duty. But games can last much longer – and be deadly serious, too.

Consider the game of Alcoholic. If you look closely, alcoholic behavior is in fact a complex game, with hidden motives and specific goals.

Marriages are notorious for mangling even the most solid relationships, especially once the honeymoon phase is over. Partners have to make more and more compromises, while simultaneously trying to find ways to fulfill their conflicting needs.

No wonder they start playing games.

Some party games, such as charades or Catch Phrase, are perfectly harmless. Others, however, are more subtle and devious.

Take Schlemiel, for instance – a game about forcing someone to forgive you. The main character in this game “accidently” breaks things when invited to someone’s house for a party. It might be spilling wine on the carpet or clogging the toilet.

The bedroom is a great place for fun and games. But it’s also the source of many complex psychological games that aren’t about sex or fun at all.

A twisted example is the game of Rapo, where sex becomes a means of exacting revenge.

Consider all the famous Hollywood movies about con men, thieves and drug dealers. Obviously, we’re pretty fascinated by criminals. But have you ever wondered what drives people to lead such dangerous lifestyles?

One motivation is the desire to play Cops and Robbers.

After reading about all these games, you might be thinking that everyone could do with a good dose of psychotherapy. Unfortunately, the field of psychotherapy is also a place where strange games abound.

Take the game of Indigence, where the psychotherapist and client work together to make sure everything stays the same.

Our journey through the intricacies of human psychology has made one thing clear: games can make life miserable. So, why do we continue to play them?

First of all, we never consciously decide to start playing them. Games develop over long periods of time; most of them were invented long before our birth and, as we grow up, we’re taught to play them without even realizing it. Each culture and even each family has its own games, which accounts for the mind-boggling range of bizarre moves players can make.