The Yes Brain summary

Close your eyes and repeat “no” to yourself for 30 seconds. How do you feel? Chances are you’re tense and unmotivated. But try saying “yes” instead. That’s much better, right?

That’s because affirmation has a calming and relaxing effect.

Like most people, you probably want what’s best for both yourself and your children, including this open, accepting attitude that says “yes” to the world.

And that’s basically what the Yes Brain is.

It’s a way of being in the world that makes you receptive and helps you live meaningfully.

Take the first part. When you’re receptive, you’re primed to take challenges in stride. You’re flexible and capable of thinking clearly.

The No Brain is the opposite. It’s a defensive and reactive outlook. That’s a problem because it makes connecting with other people and reaching good decisions extremely difficult.

When you put it that way, the Yes Brain is clearly preferable to the No Brain.

So how can you develop this attitude?

Being receptive might feel like an intangible goal. But there are concrete strategies you can use to begin developing a Yes Brain as an adult parent.

A good place to start is with its four essential characteristics. These are balance, resilience, insight and empathy. These are all explored in the following blinks.

But what about children?

Well, the one follows the other. When you model fundamental Yes Brain characteristics, your children are also likely to adopt them. A couple of techniques can help you do this.

Take Alex. His son Teddy had a meltdown whenever something didn’t go his way when playing soccer.

A No Brain response would be to try to shame Teddy. “Other kids don’t start crying when they miss a shot,” it would say, “so why should you?”

Luckily Alex could draw on the authors’ insights. Rather than embarrassing his son, he adopted a Yes Brain attitude and helped widen Teddy’s window of tolerance.

That’s basically a way of expanding the number of things we can encounter without “losing it.”

Teddy learned techniques like deep breathing while Alex learned how to empathize with his son and comfort him when things went awry. In the end, Teddy calmed down enough to listen and become aware of his behavior.